Let's eat Grandpa!

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

Recommended by: My friend Brittney
Source: Personal Library
Finished: 2/14/11
Rating: 8 out of 10
Publisher: Zondervan
Pages: 304
Originally Published: 2000

Synopsis: Your marriage is more than a sacred covenant with another person. It is a spiritual discipline designed to help you know God better, trust him more fully, and love him more deeply. What if God’s primary intent for your marriage isn’t to make you happy . . . but holy? And what if your relationship isn’t as much about you and your spouse as it is about you and God? The respect you accord your partner; the forgiveness you humbly seek and graciously extend; the ecstasy, awe, and sheer fun of lovemaking; the history you and your spouse build with one another — in these and other facets of your marriage, Sacred Marriage uncovers the mystery of God’s overarching purpose.

Overall Impression: So why would the unmarried girl want to read a book about marriage? Well, my recently married friend Brittney was reading it in a couples Bible study. She said thought was helpful for married people, but she really wanted to give it to all her unmarried friends because she thought it would set up some more realistic expectations for marriage (what, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns?). And seeing as most of our single friends would tell her where she could kindly stick the book, she thought I would be more open to it since I’m in a relationship and not riding the Single Train right now.

And seeing as how I would, in fact, like to be married one day, I told her I’d give it a shot.

Anywhatzit, I think the premise of this book is applicable to so much more than a marriage, although it probably seen most sharply within matrimony. (My pastor always said if you want to look like Jesus, get married. No one will point out the ways you don’t look like Jesus more than your spouse!) If we take a look at the relationships in our lives, none of which are perfect and all of which cause us some sort of problems, we can use the experiences from those relationships to shape ourselves into looking more like Christ. When all we want to do is lash out/retreat/eat a cake, we can “what would Jesus do” the situation and try and act accordingly. I think it also sets up some realistic expectations for marriage. If we expect that the primary reason for marriage is happiness, we’ll cut bait and run when things get difficult. But God is a God of commitment and constancy and a deep abiding love, so we should strive for that as well in our marriages (and other relationships). Quite a bit of good stuff in here!

…some of us ask too much of marriage. We want to get the largest portion of our life’s fulfillment from our relationship with our spouse. That’s asking too much. Yes, without a doubt there should be moments of happiness, meaning, and a general sense of fulfillment. But my wife can’t be God, and I was created with a spirit that craves God. Anything less than God, and I’ll feel an ache. (page 24)

What marriage has done for me is hold up a mirror to my sin. It forces me to face myself honestly and consider my character flaws, selfishness, and anti-Christian attitudes, encouraging me to be sanctified and cleansed and to grow in godliness. (page 93)

Positives: So much more than “10 Steps to a Better Marriage.” This book lays it out on the line — marriage is tough, but it’s worth it.

Negatives: Some repetitiveness and a few cliched/tired ideas. Some of it comes across as a little joyless.

Other books I’ve read by Gary Thomas: none

Other blogger opinions:

Lost Life Found: “It is a strange mix of theology, opinion, church history, personal anecdotes, already accepted ideas, and outlandish ideas.”

Healing Hearts: “No one can write something that will fit all situations, so this author did a great job reaching the majority of his readers.”

River Tree Reads: “It forever changed my view of marriage, and more than that, it made me want to be married, and gave me confidence that I could have a happy, and holy, marriage of my own.”