If you’re looking for something different to blog about this year for Thanksgiving, I thought I’d give you some different ways to express your oh-so-thankful heart.
The Ubiquitous Thankful List
List everything ever for which you are thankful.
Example: I am thankful for my mom, my dad, every relative I have, even creepy uncle Jack, kittens, mittens, Trader Joe’s burritos, tape, my coffee cup, shoe laces, ducks, chicks (both fowl and girls), snow balls, snow cones, guns, basically anything pink, flora, fauna, freedom, snacks, unicorns, narwhals (underwater unicorns), my super-awesome new boots, my DVR, Swiss cheese, stuffing, constellations, my BFF (OMG I love you soooo much), belly buttons, Pinterest, sparkly things, socks, Justin Bieber, eyelids, stainless steel refrigerators, bumper cars, etc.
An NFL Thanksgiving
Celebrate your favorite team’s absence from their families’ tables.
Example: Who cares about Thanksgiving? The NINERS are on!! It’s the Harbaugh Bowl fools!
Thanksgiving Food-o-Rama
Why not tell the world every single thing you’re eating?
Example: Ooh, the turkey is in the oven! This year, our house is going all out. We’re having three kinds of turkey — regular, deep fried, and one that we bought last year in Wisconsin that’s been smoking in an aged barrel outside for a week. There’s also a spiral honey ham, and a salmon for the crazy vegetarians. We’re having mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, sweet potatoes, yams (with and without marshmallows), and scalloped sweet and regular potatoes mixed together. Oh! And roasted red potatoes. Stuffing, both in the bird and on the Stove Top. We’re having green bean casserole and Brussels sprouts. There are six kinds of pie, too! And I made the same spread, except gluten-free, for Aunt June, whose tummy just can’t handle it.
Occupy Thanksgiving
Use this Thanksgiving as a rally cry for the 99%.
Example: The Pilgrims were in the 99%! Persecuted by the big bad Powers That Be 1% over there in Europe, trying to keep them down. Britain is the original Wall Street! The Pilgrims came here to earn a decent wage, not to get maced in the face, you bastards! Damn The Man! Oh, and the Indians were the 99%! They were just hanging out, trying to be good citizens of America and they were slammed down by small pox! How’s an Indian supposed to make a living with small pox, I ask you? It’s not fair! I’m going out to sit in the cold with my sign.
The Modern Family Thanksgiving
Surviving multiple holiday meals should be an Olympic event.
Example: Well, this year is a bit crazy. The Husband and I have seven different events to attend, so it’s going to be tough. First is Husband’s dad’s brother’s Thanksgiving Quiche-Extravaganza, then we’re off to my mom’s house for a bit for close family time, then Aunt Ruth’s house for that weird vegetarian Tohamturduckenfu thing she makes (gag), then off to Husband’s mom’s house where we will be attacked by half a dozen aunts, then back to my grandma’s because we’re out of the will if we don’t visit for a bit. Then it’s back to mom’s house for the bigger family dinner, and then to Husband’s great aunt’s dog’s baby-sitter’s dentist’s mother’s pie party. Pray for us, will you?
A Patriotic Thanksgiving
Be proud of the most American of holidays!
Example: On this greatest American holiday, I stand here in the greatest country of all time, and tell the world to Kiss My Big Turkey-Eating Ass! I’m thankful that The Grand Old US-of-A is bigger and more powerful and better than all of you combined! And to show you how much better we are, we’re going to stuff our faces with more food than you’ll see in a year and then take a Big Fat American NAP. Bet the French don’t get to do that!
The Thanks-for-nothing-giving
Let’s face it, it’s a sad time.
Example: Well, I’m all alone once again on Thanksgiving. Guess I’ll just have some Spaghetti-O’s and watch reruns of House.
Thanksgiving is just Black Friday Eve
Screw you, Thanksgiving. I’m going to Old Navy.
Example: Didn’t you know, it’s Christmas already! I totally skip that other useless holiday because I am too busy prepping for the Black Friday sales. I have to sleep all day on Thanksgiving so that I can get up at 10:00pm to go to Target to buy a waffle maker that’s 30% off and get a free candy cane! Who needs turkey when Rudolph is coming and I can earn a bajillion dollars in Kohl’s cash? I also plan on watching Elf this weekend twelve times while wrapping all my presents, and eating sugarplums until my face falls off. I love CHRISTMASSSSSS!
Thanks for stopping by! I'm Cori and I'm happy you've found your way here. If you're wondering why my blog is called "Let's Eat Grandpa," it's an old grammar joke: Let's eat, grandpa! Let's eat grandpa! (Punctuation saves lives.) 
