Do you ever have those times when you’re absolutely appalled with the way you’ve behaved to someone? I find that there have been times where I’ve not been able to handle the stress and I’ve just lashed out in a way that I wouldn’t think possible of myself 99% of the time. NOT KIND.
One time I can remember is on our return home from New Zealand a few years ago. We had a small flight from Wellington to Auckland, then the long flight back to San Francisco. Our first flight was late, leaving us very little time to make our international flight [the only one that day) – and we had to get from the domestic terminal to the international terminal. Unfortunately, the bus between terminals ran every 20 minutes or so, and we had just missed it.
This lead to a convergence of two of my biggest stressors – flying and being late. My attitude went from bad to worse when I found out we couldn’t walk between terminals, we just had to wait and hope. Two shuttle bus drivers asked us where we were going but neither would take us to the other terminal. Which I felt was ridiculous, as there seemed to be no one else at the entire airport. By the time the third bus refused us, I viciously snapped at the driver something like, “FINE. WELL MOVE ALONG THEN, WORLD’S WORST BUS DRIVER.” Or something equally sarcastic and rude. I was nearly in tears.
We finally got a shuttle and boarded the plane just as the doors were closing. The entire flight home I had a hard time sleeping because of how incredibly awful I felt about snapping at all the people who couldn’t help us at the airport. Even recounting it now, my stomach turns.
So it was my goal this month to be kinder to people, even when I’m stressed out. Thankfully, nothing like the above has given me reason to be super anxious, but there have been a couple times when I’ve been stressed and reacted better than, say, yelling someone’s head off.
One such time was my trip to Chicago this last weekend. The airplane’s descent was awful, hot, and bumpy and by the time we landed I was about five minutes away from being a Vomit Machine. The second we landed, the guy behind me stood up and repeatedly shook my seat in what I felt was an entirely unnecessary way. He nearly dropped his bag on my head as he got it out of the overhead bin. All I wanted to do was sarcastically point out to him that the doors to the cabin hadn’t even been opened yet, and we were 30 rows back. But instead I smiled and made small talk about Chicago (all the while, trying not to heave on his shoes).
I do wonder, though, if I could keep it up in a truly stressful situation. If I run across one this month, I'll post about it!
What about you? Are you kind when you’re totally stressing out? Or are you more like me, snapping at the drop of a pin?
I find knowing ahead of time what are my weak spots can be very helpful. We all like to think we are nice kind people, and mostly we are, but none of us is always that way, so when we aren’t, what makes us not kind? There are not many people that are inherently evil and mean. Yet we all, no matter how good and kind, can get annoyed or act in a way that isn’t very becoming of us. I personally think that understanding our pitfalls goes a long way to helping us become more balanced people. What is our trigger button? I find that environment (noise, discomfort, screaming, kicking the underside of my seat) doesn’t affect me too much. In the same way I can also deal with plan changes fairly easily (unless it was something I was really looking forward to). The only exception to that, is when those things somehow hurt another’s perception on my ability to be dependable, responsible, trustworthy, etc, and I’m under the wire for some kind of deadline of importance. As long as it only affects me, or affects others around me in a non-important or time critical way, it doesn’t bother me. I do find that what aggravates me more than environment is personality. Certain personalities are just like fingernails to the chalk board for me. I can get along with most anyone, and I go a long way to give people grace to be disruptive, but there are personalities I put up with rather than get along with. People that are highly self centered, obnoxious and loud, inconsiderately pushy, dominating and manipulative, or people that just plain can’t see how they are negatively affecting those around them all just really aggravate me. Knowing that, though, allows me to recognize a problem or a reaction in me before it develops, and I can try and proactively take steps to respond in a better way to either minimize the tension in myself, or build up some sort of mental wall before it ever becomes a problem. My brother and I used to confront each other on our responses to each other when we were young, and although we didn’t respond well to it at first, at some point we started to just accept rather than excuse. The acceptance then turned into a game of trying to plan for it, or recognize “triggers”. It wasn’t really a conscious thing I don’t think, but it has helped me avoid what would have been some pretty embarrassing situations in hindsight. Sadly, sometimes I’m better at this than other times. =)
I definitely have my triggers — being late is one, and flying is another (because of NERVES). People who just rub me the wrong way are also on that list, though usually (usually) I can push through stuff with them by still being kind. Usually. I think feeling trapped is another one that gets me — whether physically or socially or emotionally. For me, it usually shows itself in sarcasm and frustration and, sometimes, tears. I know I’m more apt to be unkind when I’m feeling that way, so I try and look for it. I can see it sometimes…but other times not so much. But I guess it’s good that there’s always room for improvement. :)