Like I said in my last post, this has been sort of a crazy few days. Very behind on my updates, but my health has to come first. I’ve been feeling a little better, but not great. My ultrasound showed nothing — so, all the symptoms of gallstones…but no gallstones. I get a CAT scan later this week. Fingers crossed they can find some reason for the stabby pain!
Because I’m so behind and November starts tomorrow, I’m smooshing three action items into one post: “Take ownership in an area I’ve been wishy-washy in,” “Work on my foundations. Tend my gardens,” and “Remember vows and promises over emotions or logic.”
Take ownership in an area I’ve been wishy-washy in
I was talking to my friend Hannah (yes, this Hannah) the other night about this particular action item, and through our discussion I realized that it’s precisely this project that needs my attention and ownership. Hello — I’m posting three items in one day! With traveling and being sick and generally being too busy, I’ve let my [CULTIVATE] project take a back-seat. It’s something I think about when I’m done crossing the “more important” items off my list. So I am re-taking ownership of my project for November. It will be a priority, and something that continues to help me grow in my faith, and hopefully inspires others to take a closer look at the fruits in their own lives.
Work on my foundations. Tend my gardens.
My friend Siobhan is fond of saying, “If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, water your own lawn!”
This is usually in response to seeing people who have had affairs or who have left everything they know for something crazy and maybe dangerous. While I think that Ryan is very nice and green on my side of the fence and I have no reason even think about there being a fence over which I might look, I think this metaphor applies to other parts of my life. I’ve talked about the seeds of discontentment in my life before, and it’s been particularly difficult in the last couple months. Honestly, I don’t want to go into specifics here, but I have had to take some serious time and personal inventory to figure out why I’ve been feeling so discontented, and how I could make my current situations more green. This has involved a lot of prayer and gratitude for my current situations. I’ve also weeded out some things, so that my grass can grow unencumbered. Because of my efforts, I am feeling and acting more faithful in these particular areas. It still needs a lot of work, but I definitely feel growth this month.
Remember vows and promises over emotions or logic.
How often do we react emotionally, forgetting vows and promises we’ve made and just doing what “feels best” in the moment? Or, conversely, how often do we use logic to “reason away” vows and promises? I’m guilty of both, but probably the latter more often. I was thinking about the vows and promises I’ve made along the way — both out loud, and in my own heart. Though Ryan and I aren’t married, we definitely have promises to each other in the area of our relationship. Just this weekend at my nephew’s baptism, I promised to encourage him in the faith as he grows up, to teach him God’s promises and truths, and to be there for him whenever he needs me. I’ve promised to volunteer in a certain capacity for Courage Worldwide. When I signed the contract at my job, I promised to do my best and to work with integrity. I have made promises, set dates, and made plans with my friends. I have told people I would pray for them.
And yet I can find ways in all of these areas to fudge the lines. Usually I can reason away some of these things — I’m too busy, no one will ever know, I’m too far away, etc. So when I’ve found myself sort of moving the lines around to best suit my needs, I’m trying to think about the first promises and vows I’ve made — and how I need to stick with them no matter how I’m feeling in the moment.
Woah. That was a lot of things. Tomorrow starts my month of [CULTIVATE] GENTLENESS!