First of all — GO 49ERs!!! SUPERBOWL!!! YEAH!!! *jumps up and down*
Okay, now that I got that out of my system…
This project is teaching me that there is more to being kind, loving, patient, etc.: you have to be present for these things to really make an impact. I can do a lot of kind acts, but if my heart isn’t into it, if I’m not 100% committed to being there in the moment, what’s the point?
This year, I’ve made a point of spending more time with friends and family, and trying not to care about my list of things to do so much. And it’s been working (you may have noticed I blog a little less often these days). But it’s more than just spending time with friends and family. If I’m on my phone or thinking about something else, I might as well be somewhere else entirely.
It’s been difficult. I actually think I’m addicted to my iPhone. I’ve been doing a little research into this, and a Stanford study has determined that iPhone addiction is actually a thing. I have a hard time when my phone has run out of batteries, or if, God-forbid, I leave it at home. The other night, I left my phone at home when Ryan and I went out to dinner. He went to the restroom and those few minutes nearly killed me. I felt so awkward sitting there with nothing to do. Apparently, I can’t just be.
But when I’m on my phone, I’m definitely not present with whatever is actually happening at that moment. I cannot be generous with my time if I cannot give all of myself.
I’ve tried to be OK without my phone more this month. I’ve left it charging more often. I try leaving it in my purse, especially during meals so that I can actually talk to people and enjoy their company. I’ve deleted a handful of apps and games that are just time-wasters and aren’t contributing to my life in any way, other than being a timesuck.
Dude. It’s really hard.
Being present takes some intentionality. I have to make a conscious choice to be okay not knowing what my friends on Instagram are eating. But it’s so handy when I need to look something up, or I have a few minutes to kill, or the 49ers are trying their best to NOT go to the Superbowl and Twitter is all abuzz about it. It feels like no big deal, but then I realize that I can’t not check it. Yikes.
This is definitely going to be an ongoing issue. Because I don’t want to that girl.