Choose Joy by Kay Warren

Source: Sacramento Library
Finished: 5/25/12
Rating: 7 out of 10
Publisher: Revell
Pages: 259
Published: 2012
Challenges: [CULTIVATE] JOY

Synopsis (from the book description): Why are some people–even in the toughest times–always filled with joy, while most of us can’t seem to find lasting joy no matter how hard we search? Do joy-filled people know something we don’t? The answer is yes! And in her warm, candid style, Kay Warren shares that life-transforming truth with you.

Overall Impression: I’m always a little hesitant to read books like this one, with the sun-shiny cover and the flowers and the gold ink letters. Thankfully this book didn’t feel as fluffy as the cover, though I didn’t find it particularly new or captivating either. In the book, Warren defines joy as “the settled assurance that God is in control and all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things.” I think this is a very astute (though it doesn’t contain nearly enough exclamation points). She talks about joy and sorrow running as parallel train tracks, “running inseparably throughout our days… One of the toughest challenges in life is to learn how to live on both of those tracks at the same time.”

But how do we do this? Throughout the book, she gives some good real-world examples of how to cultivate more joy in life, such a focusing on grace, trusting God for the future, creating balance in life, and practicing acceptance. She also talks about how to be a joy-builder in the lives of the people around us, instead of a joy killer. For me, the idea that stood out most was to “avoid the small potatoes.” These are the stupid little things that get to me throughout the day. Little annoyances that turn into complaints. These complaints can launch me into a bad mood, and sap all my joy for that day. Just this morning I was all grumbly because this pigeon was cooooooing outside my bedroom window. Instead of just shutting the window, I lay there, saying, “Leave, evil pigeon!” over and over. It never left, and I never went back to sleep.

As Tim Hansel said, “Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. We cannot avoid pain, but we can avoid joy.” Warren makes a good case for joy being an active choice, one that we have to daily choose to make.

Positives: Puts joy back into focus for readers — I think we spend so much time focusing on the negative that joy escapes us too easily.

Negatives: Nothing revolutionary, and some of the cheesier stories in it made me roll my eyes a little.

Other books I’ve read by Kay Warren: none

Other blogger opinions:

MizB: “I wasn’t wowed by this book, but found it to be okay.”

Daniel Threlfall: “Rec­og­niz­ing that “joy is a choice” is not sig­nif­i­cantly pro­found, but is nonethe­less true.”

Chris Luksha: “I really can’t write much more about it from my standpoint as I just didn’t like her writing style.  It was not for me, and not, I believe, for men in general.”

This month, I wanted to increase my joy through good fellowship and friendship by making more time with my friends and family. My productivity in other areas of my life has dropped a little, but I’ve found that I’ve had some incredible time with friends this month, and have more planned in the next few weeks. This is definitely something I want to keep as a priority, even after May is over.

(And now for a paragraph full of people you probably don’t know…)

I started off my month with a visit down to San Diego to visit Noelle, Steve, and Susan, where we laughed and drank margaritas and tried to figure out the difference between homonyms and homophones (NERDS). I’ve attended two book clubs without feeling like either was a chore. (It helped that we decided to postpone one book, so it was just dinner with friends. Oh, and I’d read the other book already.) At one book club, we spent the whole evening laughing so hard reading out of a dictionary (NERDS) that I couldn’t breathe. I’ve had dinner twice with my lovely Aunt Bonnie, and Brittney and I had a “date” that included Thai food, ice cream, wine, and ginger cookies. And Battlestar Galactica. Ryan and I had dinner and played Scrabble with Carolyn and Jason, who are moving away soon (commence weeping), and we spent quality time with both our families on Mother’s Day. We also went out to dinner with my family to celebrate my and my dad’s birthdays. I had dinner with Katie, and we’re planning a Day O Cookin’ on Memorial Day, where we’re going to cook for pretty much all of June in one day. I am looking forward to Katie time way more than cooking time, since cooking is scary and food is my nemesis. Had dinner with my parents, Ryan, Brittney, and Robert last night, and was reminded (mostly through laughs) at how much I enjoy spending time with favorite people. And that’s not to mention 40 hours a week at work with Ms. Joy herself, Amy.

This month has been amazing! It really has. Spending time with my friends, family, boyfriend — it’s all been one big joysplosion. (I feel like making up words makes me more joyful, too. Joystravaganza! Serendipijoyity!)

For many of my action items, I feel like some of the things have been difficult. But not here! I do feel like I’ve been “unproductive” this month — I haven’t sewed like I’ve wanted to, I’ve missed some training for Eppie’s Great Race and Tough Mudder (injury hasn’t helped), I haven’t been posting blogs according to my entirely too rigid schedule. But the joy I’ve gotten through true fellowship has been irreplaceable! *JOYDANCE*

(Literally…I just danced. It was amazing. It had jazz hands.)

But I did make some progress! I actually took two steps forward and three steps back. I started quilting my pink and orange quilt by stitching in the ditch, but the farther I got along, the less I liked it. It was bunching a little on the back, and I finally decided to rip all of the quilting out and start over. Got it all ripped last night, and put the back piece through the laundry because I failed and ran over it with my rolling desk chair, leaving a huge gray streak on it. Thankfully, I had pre-washed the fabric so there wasn’t much shrinking or pulling, and the mark came out just fine. Going to start quilting it again on Thursday:

I don’t think I ever showed you all the completed top! I love how it turned out. The fabrics are Windham and Toomuchery.

The pieced back, freshly washed and stain-free! The main fabric for the back is Moda Essential Dots in coral, and the rest is the same fabric as the front.

I also started more of the cutting for my Boyfriend Quilt (which is for me, and not the boyfriend). It’s going to be brown and green and cream (see my cream piecing here). I have it almost completely cut out at this point — sewing starts soon!

These are fabrics from…everywhere. I’ll post a final list of fabrics when I complete the quilt.

W.i.P. (Work in Progress) Wednesday can be found over  at Freshly Pieced!

I think God has blessed me with a joyful heart. I think joy also stems from having a grateful heart. So much joy bursts out of me when I just think about all the amazing blessings in my life, which I do almost daily! When I realize the blessings I have that are answered prayers, I feel really joyful.

An example of this is feeling grateful for the friendships I have. When I was about 20 years old, I didn’t have any Christian girlfriends. I really desired to have these friendships in my life so I prayed for them for several months. Now, I have the most amazing Christian girlfriends and lots of them. When I think about how much I love these girls and how they are such an answer to prayer, I feel so grateful. I can’t even believe that God blessed me with so many amazing friends and that just makes me feel even more joyful!!

It’s simple things that bring me great joy. I think joyful people appreciate the small blessings in life. Things like being with friends and family, laughing ridiculously, a good song on the radio, pictures, fun memories, a yummy beverage, sunshine, hearing something wonderful happen to someone I love, beauty in nature, and good food are just some examples.

I think we’ve forgotten Jesus’ joy.

I love the way Warren writes about Jesus’ role versus his essence. During his life here, his role was the Man of Sorrows. He suffered greatly and poured out his life. He struggled against the ruling and religious leaders of the day. He wasn’t handsome. His friends died. His disciples didn’t understand him. He was tempted in the desert by Satan. His best friend ate locusts. Yes, he went to weddings and called the little children to him. But overall, he really was the Man of Sorrows.

At least his role was Man of Sorrows.

His essence, though, is joy. Why did he endure this life? Hebrews 12:2 says it was for joy: “For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Because, in the end, everything would be perfected in heaven. Sorrow now, joy in the morning.

When Jesus is talking about the vine and the branches (basically, Jesus is telling his followers to abide in him and his love) in John 15, he ends it by saying, “These things I have spoken to you,that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” His joy. His essence.

Jesus really is the Man of Joy. He is the God of joy. He IS joy. And since we abide in him and he abides in us, we have his joy! What a blessing this is. He is the Man of Joy — and because of that, we are People of Joy!

For instance…

Amy: “I love Pinterest! I want to take an old set of drawers and refinish them and turn them into a TV cabinet! You know, take some of the drawers out to put the DVD player and the DVR in there. Paint it all a pretty color. Doesn’t that sound like a great idea?!”

Me: “Yeah, except you have to make sure you find one that has actual boards between the drawers. Lots of dressers don’t have that separation piece. And you have to make sure it’s real wood, not that IKEA particle board. ‘Real’ furniture is hard to find these days, and it can be expensive. And I’d start with something small so you can practice. It’s not as easy as it looks.”

Debbie. Downer.

This comes from my overly rational and sensible nature. I constantly think about things from all angles — I want to know what to expect, how to do things properly, and I don’t particularly love surprises. I also think that my parents are practical and level-headed and I probably got a lot of my nature from them.

And while I tend to be a cheerful person, I can be very Glass Half Empty, always finding reasons to bring people’s dreams back into reality. While this works very well in my job as an editor (“No, you can’t just ignore punctuation.”), it’s probably very annoying to the people around me who want to dream big. For many years, it kept me from dreaming big, too.

There’s a lot of joy to be found in dreaming big. And the last thing I want to be is a joy killer.

Yet I’ve found it hard to stop being a Debbie Downer! I’m shocked at how constantly I become a boring, irritating realist. This is going to be more than just a small action item — it’s going to be something I am constantly on alert for. For example, I should encourage Amy to take a shot at refinishing furniture. Why the heck not? I can be encouraging and realistic at the same time: “Totally! Go for it! There’s a couple things you should take into consideration, but why not? I think it could turn out really great!”

I sort of wish I had a Saturday Night Live Debbie Downer “wha-wha-whaaaa” noise every time I said something that was less than encouraging. Life doesn’t operate with a soundtrack, though, so it’s up to me to catch myself. I’m not sure I’ll ever fully stop being a Debbie Downer — it’s good to have realistic opinions about things — but I can somewhat curb the habit of being a downright joy killer!

In The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin talks about how the old adage, “money can’t buy happiness” isn’t actually true. She said that there are lots of ways to spend money that can bring happiness, and it’s different for every person. She also cautions, however, against thinking this is the only route to happiness. It’s really easy to get on the Treadmill of Discontent, which leaves you dissatisfied soon after you upgrade.

Thinking about happiness and joy this month, I decided to let myself buy a little piece of happiness. Not joy, of course. My happiness is completely circumstantially based on my purchase so I know it’s not joy. But I’m definitely happy, zooming around in my new (used) car. I’m learning to drive a stick shift, which feeds my accomplishment junkie self. (Ryan had given me two stick shift lessons in the past two years. Those lessons were my only experience driving a manual car before I test drove the Mini. I might be crazy.) I also really love to drive, and while the Scion was great in a lot of ways, it was just about the most boring car to drive. My friend Robert borrowed it and gave me back the keys later, saying, “well, that was unexpectedly not powerful.”

So meet Bluebell, my little piece of zippy happiness. I’m sure the happy shiny feeling will wear off someday, but for now I’m having a blast!

The same is true with joy. The opposite you might first think of is grief or suffering. When things are at their worst, it’s hard to be joyful. That seems to, once again, try and put joy and happiness on the same level. But joy is so much bigger than that.

Joy and suffering can (and do) coexist within us. James comes right out and says, “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.”

We can actually count suffering as joy! Which makes me want to grab James by his lapels (or robe or toga or whatever) and shake him and say, “You’re off your rocker, you crazy old man.”

But it’s true. I’ve read and heard so many stories of people suffering through the worst kinds of trials (divorce, loss of a child, financial ruin, etc.), but who still had undeniable joy in their hearts because they knew that God had their backs and they were going to make it through to the other side, grief, pain, loss and all. They know they will grow in endurance and character as well.

Which means one of the opposites of joy is despair. It’s a lack of hope. It’s not being sure there is something greater on the other side of our suffering. Sometimes this is clinical (I have a few friends who struggle with crippling depression, and it breaks my heart that there is literally something chemical inhibiting them from feeling joy). But sometimes I think despair comes down to a lack of faith that God has our backs. And that we don’t believe that despite everything the world might throw at us, He loves us and wants to call us to a place of final joy. We give up, and we have no shot at joy.

I thought this was going to be my only opposite, but my friend Brittney mentioned one on Facebook that seems just as accurate: discontentment.

I know a lot of very joyful people. But I also know quite a few people who wander through life without ever being satisfied. And not in a positive, ambitious sort of way. But in an entitled, the-world-owes-me sort of way. A selfish, chip-on-the-shoulder sort of way. They complain constantly, they are never satisfied with what they have, and they have a crushing victim mentality. These people can suck the life out of a room in two seconds flat. What is less joyful than that?

And how much joy can be gained in knowing no matter what you have, who you know, or how you’re feeling, you’re going to be okay?

So. Much. Joy.

Can you think of any I missed? What drags your joy down?

I think we sometimes think of joy (or even happiness) as being something enormous and elusive. We think of it on a grand scale: I AM JOYFUL. But I believe there’s a much smaller, more accessible element of finding joy in the small things that we do or have or see every day. We can be grateful for these things, and recognize they are gifts from God to us — with the express purpose of bringing us joy.

I find that I’m so busy that sometimes I miss out on the small stuff. I’ll gulp down a caramel macchiato, for example, and not taste a bit of it. I’ll drive right into a sunset and complain about how bright it is, instead of seeing the stunning pink and red clouds and contrails that surround it. These things toe the line between happiness and joy, but I think that if we enjoy and are grateful for the small things, we will see our overall joy (and happiness) increase as we realize how much we’ve been blessed.

In the past two weeks, I’ve started keeping a list of the small things that bring me joy. I’ve become more aware of these things, and I’ve slowed down and been conscious of the moment so I could enjoy each one. Not only have I experience more of these smaller joys, I’ve also slowed down my brain a little. It’s okay not to be productive 100% of the time. Sometimes there is joy in a nap!

A warm day, perfect for opening the sunroof
Mother’s Day and family (and much brunch)
The smell of the library, holding books in my hands
Scrabble with friends
Flip flop tan lines
Bacon and eggs
Snuggles
Rare kisses from Gunnar (the dog)
A chance to be there for a hurting friend
Laughing so hard it hurts
The love and support of my Aunt Bonnie
Embracing the future with open arms
Learning to drive a stick shift
Early morning sewing
A perfect margarita (thanks to Steve Betz)
Warm evening walks to get ice cream with Ryan
Planting my container garden for this year
Fresh soil in my hands
A listening ear
Birthday surprises
Writing for hours
The smell of fresh laundry
Prayers of a friend
Lunch with my dad, pretty much every week for five years now
Homemade marmalade
Instrumental versions of rock songs
Dancing around the office with Amy

What has brought you joy (or even just happiness) this month so far?

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith

Narrators: Scott Holst
Source: Audible
Finished: 5/10/12
Rating: 8 out of 10
Publisher: Hachette Audio
Length: 10 hours, 14 minutes
Pages: 336 (print version)
Published: 2010
Challenges: 2012 Audio Book Challenge

Synopsis (from Booklist): Everyone knows that Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and saved the country from disunion, but very few were privy to the fact that Honest Abe was an honest-to-goodness vampire hunter; that is, until Grahame-Smith unearthed Lincoln’s secret journal, an intimate document detailing the lifelong battle he waged against the undead. Motivated by the vampire-initiated death of his mother, 11-year-old Abe vowed to “kill every vampire in America.” True to his pledge, he spent the next 50 years honing his skills and stalking his prey. Recognizing an inextricable link between slavery and vampires, he expanded his mission to include destroying the “peculiar institution.” And the rest, as they say, is history.

Overall Impression: Grahame-Smith managed to capitalize on the vampire hysteria right before it started to fade (and be replaced by fairy tale hysteria). I’m reading it two years later, and while I never really got the whole vampire thing, there is a lot to like about the irreverent Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter. While some readers might find the dry, traditional biographical narrative boring, I thought it was very clever (and I like biographies, so I didn’t mind). Grahame-Smith managed to take Lincoln’s actual biography and insert vampires in it in a totally (yet not-at-all) believable way. He took all the prominent events of Lincoln’s life and modified them slightly so that vampires would seem totally reasonable. Grew up in a log cabin? Actually a cover for a secret underground vampire lair. Lincoln’s skill with an axe? The perfect weapon with which to slay a vampire. John Wilkes Booth? A vampire who wanted the vampire-controlled South to rise again. I thought the whole thing was decidedly ingenious. Also, I learned a lot about Lincoln’s actual biography, since so much of what Grahame-Smith wrote was actually true!

Positives: It was just a lot of fun — gimmicky, but not in a bad way.

Negatives: Reducing the slave population to only a feeding source felt a little shallow. I wish he’d also addressed that there were other, more traditional causes for slavery. It made the entire slave population feel very one-note.

Narration: Holst did an excellent job, especially with Abe’s slow, deliberate speech. I do wish there had been more distinction between the other characters, though.

Other books I’ve read by Seth Grahame-Smith: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (review)

Other books I’ve listened to narrated by Scott Holst: none

Other blogger opinions:

Steve Betz: “Yes, this book is a lark, and I’m really not going to line up to read all the knock-offs, but if you want to take a stab at this mini-genre, this one is pretty fun.”

Budd at Scifi Media: “I actually learned quite a bit from this book, which is strange because it is about fighting vampires.”

All Things Writing: “I know that some people are offended by the idea of one of our most beloved presidents being portrayed this way, but personally, I think it worked.”